Topic 16 – Who Is God That He Is Concerned About Who We Marry?
Topic 16 – Who Is God That He Is Concerned About Who We Marry?
(please add your own testimony at the bottom of this topic)
Ivan Rudolph when helping in Harvest Youth
Soon after conversion I became involved in youth work, but lacked biblical knowledge.
A shy lass approached me to advise whether she should marry a particular non-Christian who had asked her. Help!
I simply did not know the answer, but was sure God had the answer for her particular situation.
“Well, what does the Bible teach us about the problem?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t know.”
“Nor do I.”
I suggested we go away and pray for guidance, then begin to read in scripture to seek out the answer for her personally. We agreed to meet in a few days to discuss what we had uncovered.
After a significant time in prayer, frightened by the significance of whatever it was I might advise, I settled down to read in the Bible. I was drawn at once to a verse I had not yet noticed (2Cor 6:14). It stated that Christians should not be joined or “yoked” to unbelievers, and the next few verses developed the concept fully.
When we met again as arranged, I said, “I think I have your answer.”
“So do I, from scripture,” she told me.
When we compared notes, we discovered we had both found the same verse and the same principle.
Despite finding it difficult, she subsequently broke off their relationship and later married a fine young Christian man. Brenda and I visited them years later in Britain and were delighted to find them settled and happily married.
A truly happy marriage requires hard work and sacrifice. God has made man and woman different in many challenging dimensions to encourage us to love someone different to ourselves, which is what developing our ‘agape’ love is all about.
Ivan’s testimony shows that:
- God expects us to seek His best for us in romantic relationships. Prayerful reading of the Bible can facilitate finding God’s mind on whom you should marry – but this is not a recipe system. Each Christian must seek God’s best intentions for themselves.
- God allows us to make our own choices in relationships. Don’t expect God to guide you in personal relationships or choices unless you have predetermined to follow whatever it is He guides you towards. God does not hold debates with us. If your sights are set on someone and your mind is made up already, don’t expect God to rubber stamp your choice nor to intervene against your will. And be prepared to go against your feelings – feelings are often a bad guide for our lives.
- God’s dramatic guidance is not essential in the vast majority of relationships and marriages. Marriage is held high in scripture as an honourable goal for anyone, not only Christians, when approached correctly – for Christians this includes listening to the Holy Spirit within, feeling “right” about a specific choice, and then developing the relationship slowly on all levels bar sexual intercourse before marriage. Why “bar sexual intercourse”? Sex often causes inappropriate bonding between two unsuitable people.
Topic 16 – Who Is God That He Is Concerned About Who We Marry?
Eric van der Westhuizen at Plumtree School Rhodesia
During the third term the senior boys were allowed to have a dance but the nearest girls were 100kms away in Bulawayo. So, traditionally, some of the girls’ schools’ teachers would drive out to Plumtree in mini- busses loaded with girls who were brave enough to make the long trek for the night. One of the teachers who drove a bus on this occasion was someone whom I knew from my school days in Umtali and there and then a renewed friendship was struck up. The friendship was to develop into romance and in the following year (10 May 1969) we tied the knot.
This account shows how the Lord has shown concern for me. He sent me to a place that I did NOT want to go to but which, in retrospect, was an absolute blessing as I met up with the one I was meant to share my life with and who bore the three “miracles” that are my children. I am positive that, had I been posted to a school in Salisbury, I would have married the one I was going out with at the time and we would have been another divorce statistic shortly after.
Eric later on summarises the part the Lord has played throughout his own adventurous life:
“I want to convey the fact that the Lord has shown concern for me and that He has been the Captain of my ship. For this, I am extremely grateful. Obviously, my life has not always been plain sailing as there have been some dark moments when I have found myself in the quagmire of worries, depression and difficult decisions, but with His help I have managed to pull through those distressing occasions.”
Eric’s testimony illustrates about God:
- God knows our best future, even who would be a wonderful future spouse.
- God can arrange that we meet that special one in unlikely circumstances.
- God understands romance and all it entails.
- God’s love and protection does not include automatically removing us from challenging situations, even depressing ones. We are on ‘playpen earth’ to develop our character to include faith, hope and love – each of which develop fully only when tested.
Topic 16 – Who Is God That He Is Concerned About Who We Marry?
Ivan Rudolph at University College of London in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe)
I was not a Christian when this incident happened in my life. I was studying science subjects at university and was much more interested in the natural universe than the supernatural, and had recently convinced a childhood friend also studying science that atheism was more logical than any religion. Sadly, he remains an atheist until today.
As a rather arrogant and selfish university student, I had my future all planned out. It involved making lots of money in Geology and spending time in the bush, which I already loved doing. I had a series of girlfriends but no serious relationships from my side, and intended to keep it that way.
Then I began to fall in love with a super university student. Should I stick to my plans and walk away from the relationship? For various family and financial reasons, that was the logical thing to do. However, I could not dismiss my feelings as an infatuation – this girl was someone special. Should I pursue the relationship or pull back? I had no-one to advise me but realised the gravity of my decision whichever direction I chose.
In this painful indecision, I had no-one to turn to that I trusted for advice. Besides, I was used to being in control of my own life. Then I remembered my grandmother’s faith in Christ; I had watched her pray and knew she had prayed for me. I had nothing to lose, so I decided to ask her God whether I should marry this lovely girl or drop the whole idea.
I think I could still find the spot where I stopped in my walking, stood still, and simply asked God whether I should marry this entrancing fellow student or not?
There was no direct reply, no voice, but I felt a strange peace and believed that I had been given my answer, that I was free at least from God’s side to pursue Brenda.
But what about Brenda’s side? She was popular with a number of potential suitors, so I played my cards slowly and carefully.
Recently, we celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary and our happy married life. Thank you, God!
Ivan’s testimony shows us that:
- God hears the prayers of non-Christians. This of course should be obvious otherwise how could anyone become a Christian?
- God has a ‘best plan’ for our lives and is willing to guide us providing we ask Him.
- God is concerned about our romantic relationships and is prepared to guide us.